So according to Cosmo’s latest issue, one of the lastest trend in bikini lines is the 1970’s porno bush. I’ve never been one to be overly concerned about the trends of bikini lines, until I saw this article and it dawned on me that I actually have an opinion on the matter. I’m really quite excited about the idea that this has come back in to “fashion.” Especially after Jennifer Love Hewitt started the trend of bedazzling your beaver. This trend, known as “Vagazzling” is also, unfortunately still a popular trend. And while I think we all know what a fan of sparkles I am, this just isn’t a trend I can support.
It has recently dawned on me that this culture is obsessed with the grooming habits of the female bikini line. I have a theory about why we became obsessed…. Celebrity Sex Tapes. Yes ladies and gentleman we have Pamela Anderson to blame for Brazilian bikini waxes. No she did not invent them and no she was not the first one to get her Yoohoo waxed. Porn stars were probably doing it for years before we all got a sneak peak into the sex life of Pam and Tommy Lee, but very few people imitate porn stars in their day to day lives. Celebrities, however?… that is a totally different story. Just think of the lastest trend of the paparazzi to stick their cameras up celebrity’s skirts (and then call them sluts.)
Come on fess up. Would a regular girl even think about getting a Brazilian wax if it wasn’t for the celebrities that got it done before them? What kind of sick freak would want her pubic hair ripped from her crotch unless she saw the people she idolized do it first. This is after all how most trends start. The 1910’s was when America really started to become interested in make-up and glamour. During those days these make up trends were marketed in magazines by the celebrities of vaudeville… very much like the celebrities of today who pimp out perfume or mascara. And hey we can’t knock it too much…because it works!
I went and got a Brazilian wax once. And once was enough. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced. Not only was it painful, but it was humiliating. I went with my sister -in -law to the spa in Miami where the sisters who invented the Brazilian wax have set up shop. I walked in…a laid down sans pants. I felt like a baby on a changing table. Once the lady was finished torturing me with wax, she reached for tweezers… yes I said TWEEZERS. Yes the wax hurt, but tweezers? Imagine tweezing your eye brows. Now multiply that by 100 and that is what it feels like to have your pubes tweezed. I cried and finally I had to make her stop. I put my clothes on and luckily my sister- in- law had already paid because I walked out of the office so fast with my hand over my face. The cute blonde gay guy behind the reception desk saw my distress and whisper to me “it’s ok honey.” I looked at him with my red puffy tear filled eyes and as honestly and as a plainly as I could I told him. “No. No it’s not.”
The truth is that with all the shaving, waxing, trimming, shaping, vagazzling, (hell, there is even make up for your vagina)…with all of that stuff being done by women around the world, I am relieved that the porno bush has made a come back. One of my favorite lines from the Vagina Monologues is “All this shit they’re constantly trying to shove up us, clean us up- stuff us up, make it go away. Well, my vagina’s not going away. It’s pissed off and it’s staying right here.”
I’m not advocating hairy beast status or having a ” Miranda situation” (think pool scene from the first Sex in the City movie). I just think its time for us to allow our vaginas to be vaginas. It’s not an accessory ladies or a little doll you dress up…its a sex organ. It should look natural, not like you came from kindergarden craft time. In case you need some celebrity vagina inspiration…I leave you with Kate Moss…