Kiss my FAT ass…


Yesterday I heard a quote on what not to blog about. “Never blog about you’re weight, who you hate, what you ate or who you date. I possibly have broken every rule in this post.

Some of the names have been changed to protect the NOT so innocent…

Today I walked into work as was greeted by a co worker who said, “Did you hear that Dr Douche Bag said that, if it was legal, he wouldn’t hire fat people.” This burned in to my brain, rain down like a lump in my throat and nestled in to my stomach, where it currently burns and throbs with utter disgust. My immediate reaction was to say “Well, I don’t like to work for freakishly tall doctors with creepy thin fingers and big alien eyes.” My next reaction was to plot my revenge.

First revenge idea: Take a huge steaming dump on his desk. When all else fails… Grossing out your target is a sure fire way to make them pay.

It reminds me of my hero, Donita Sparks of L7, who flung her used bloody tampon at a “gentleman” (I use that term VERY loosely), who had been heckling the band by yell misogynist insults. What a perfect fuck you. It was as if she said, “Oh you have a problem with me playing music because I’m a girl. Well I can fling my tampon at you so… I guess I win.”

Second revenge idea: Break into the plastic surgery area (a la Fight Club) and collect as much biohazardous lipo droppings I could find and dump that on his desk. Sort of Guerilla terrorism for fat people.

Third revenge idea: sue for mental distress and discrimination. The Classic revenge. Short, sweet, and to the point.

Fourth revenge idea: Protest by avoiding work all day. The best part of this idea is that while I, half jokingly, made the proclamation to one of my front desk staff, my admin walked by the desk and heard it all. FML.

Ultimately, there isn’t a thing I can do, except to splash my frustrations across the world wide web. I find it ironic that in this day and age, where the media is FINALLY addressing positive body image, an employer would make such a ludicrous and prejudice proclamation. To me his words are as horrible as if he had said; if it were legal I wouldn’t hire black people… Or gay people… or [insert mistreated oppressed subculture here]. It is utterly ridiculous to demand your employees stop behaviors that are perfectly legal. Such as smoking or not exercising. It’s fascist and ignorant and in my eyes no different a mentality then that of a Nazi or KKK member.

It is also frustrating as hell to know that my place of employment has aided in my weight gain over the past 5 years. I know you may think that this is passing the buck, and you maybe right. I am FULLY aware that my over the top persona doesn’t stop where my appetite begins. I enjoy food, I enjoy drinking alcohol and I stay up LATE. All of which have contributed to my weight. I would also be remiss not to mention I have a mother who is identical in shape to me. But genetics and vices aside, I would have to say two major contributing factors to my weight are STRESS (which I feel on a daily and constant basis and which usually brings me to tears at least once or twice a week) and depression medications prescribed by the doctors at the hospital I work for (which I took 2 years ago for 3 months, gained 30 lbs, and proceeded to get off of).

Please don’t miss understand me. I have spent a lifetime on diets and exercise plans. I do not revel in my fatness. I have gulped down a billion slim fast shakes, done Weight Watchers TWICE; I’ve done South Beach and Lean for Life. I’ve done detoxing juice diets (which literally turned me green and made me vomit. I can’t even look at a beet without shuttering in fear.) I’ve taken diet pills, and drank strange home remedies. I’ve taken fiber pills. I’ve bought magazines that promised “you’ll lose 20 lbs in one month.” I’ve gone running 45 minutes a day for months. I’ve counted calories. Watched my portions. I’ve eaten Lean Cuisine and Smart Ones. I’ve done Pilates, Yoga, and Abs of Steel. I’ve sweated to the oldies, belly danced and Taebo-ed. I drank green tea till my bladder felt like it was going to explode. I switched to diet soda, I eat more fruits and vegetables and I am currently going to Curves. All of which have yielded little to no results.

Through my life

• I’ve been taunted by people:
Boy in 5th grade I had a crush on: Cello Jell-O. Cello Jell-O

Don’t worry I got over it. Plus a few years later when I quit Orchestra and opted for choir, he looked pretty disappointed that I wouldn’t be sitting to him anymore. 😉

• I’ve been told I should change my College major:
College professor: Kat you’re smart, have you thought about directing instead of acting? After all you aren’t getting any taller.

I knew what he wanted to say was skinner, but he wouldn’t dare say that if he didn’t want to get punched in the face.

• I’ve been called fat in an Meisner acting class:

Side Note: For those who don’t know what Meisner technique is, a brief description: You stand in front of another person and make an observation about their behavior. They in return have to repeat, ideally with a point of view on what has been said, using the proper nouns. Example “You are nervous.” “I am nervous”).

Repetition Partner: Kat, You’re a beautiful girl, you’re just over weight.

Yes, I had to repeat that for the exercise. Yes I did it. After I screamed a primal scream and cried of course. I had one of my best exercises and I have no real hard feelings about it, but at the time I felt like shit.

• I’ve had my mom ask me:
Mom: Wouldn’t it be better to wait on getting your wedding dress so you could lose weight?

I know she was just trying to give me motherly advice and she was just voicing concerns for me because she has also struggled with weight and insecurities, but it still stung.

• I was once asked by my admin:
Admin: You seemed a little cranky in the meeting this morning, Are you dieting? I know I get that way sometimes.

Yes that actually happened. No my admin has no tact.

I could make this list go on for hours, but my point in sharing all of this, as embarrassing as it may be, is because even though I’m still attempting to work on my weight, I have made a conscious effort to become more accepting of my weight. My being overweight is my issue. No one else’s. The last thing I need when I come in to work and bust my ass is to be told that I’m not wanted here. I’m not ashamed of who I am… I wonder if Dr. Douche Bag can say the same.

I do note the irony of writing a blog about work, even after I stated that I don’t like talking about work. But I’d like to point out that I did eventually opted for the fourth revenge idea and have successfully spent half of the day drinking coffee and writing this blog. So kiss my fat ass Dr Douche Bag!

3 thoughts on “Kiss my FAT ass…

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